Writing Review - 2025_08_11¶
📄 Essay Title¶
Some people think that schools should stop using books and use computers instead.
📝 Task Response (TR) - 6.0¶
- 立场明确，论据覆盖了经济、健康、法律和教育方法，但部分论述表述不够深入，例证有限。结论段有重申观点但语言略模糊（如 "reject the one-size-fits-all instead" 不够精确）。
🔗 Coherence & Cohesion (CC) - 6.0¶
- 段落结构合理，使用了一些连接词（On the other hand, In conclusion），但衔接短语较少，句间过渡不够流畅，有些句子之间显得突兀。
💡 Lexical Resource (LR) - 5.5¶
- 尝试使用学术词（multimedia, disadvantaged groups, visualization），但存在大量拼写错误（techinic→technology/technique, goverment→government, availiable→available）和搭配问题（has a relative with → is related to）。
⚙️ Grammatical Range & Accuracy (GRA) - 5.5¶
- 有多种句型（定语从句、条件句）但频繁出现语法错误（时态、冠词、单复数、介词使用），句子结构有时不完整或不地道。
📌 Sentence-level Feedback¶
| Original | Issue | Correction |
|---|---|---|
| In 21 century,with the rapid development of techinic,some people think the computer can instead the book in school. | 拼写 / 搭配 / 冠词 / 时态 | In the 21st century, with the rapid development of technology, some people think that computers can replace books in schools. |
| I don't agree with that viewpoint. | 语气 | I disagree with this viewpoint. |
| The using computer rather the book in class is not availiable, but technique can still make a good job in teaching. | 用词 / 语法 | Using computers instead of books in class is not feasible, but technology can still play an important role in teaching. |
| If we use computer,the high economic cost will reject lots of poor family. | 搭配 / 单复数 / 逻辑 | If we use computers, the high economic cost will exclude many poor families. |
| Books cost less money and recyclable. | 语法 | Books cost less money and are recyclable. |
| A goverment which is responsible shouldn't ignore the disadvantaged groups. | 拼写 / 冠词 | A government which is responsible shouldn't ignore disadvantaged groups. |
| On the other hand, watching digital screen has a relative with teenagers' declining eyesight. | 搭配 / 复数 | On the other hand, watching digital screens is related to teenagers' declining eyesight. |
| Abuse of using computer also has a legal issue. | 搭配 | Overuse of computers also raises legal issues. |
| We can convert books and notes easily which bring a piracy risk. | 时态 / 定语从句 | We can easily convert books and notes, which brings a risk of piracy. |
| It's terrible that denying the technic positive effect. | 用词 / 语法 | It is unreasonable to deny the positive effects of technology. |
| The multimedia class can make more times of interaction than traditional class. | 搭配 | Multimedia classes can create more interaction than traditional classes. |
| Some operation which are difficult to describe can use visualization tools to show the process. | 主谓搭配 / 逻辑 | Some operations that are difficult to describe can be demonstrated using visualization tools. |
| I reject the one-size-fits-all instead, and improve the teaching mode with both technique and traditional. | 逻辑 / 用词 | I reject a one-size-fits-all approach, and advocate improving teaching by combining both technology and traditional methods. |
| Hope the reasonable use of computer and multimedia can achieve a win-win situation of education equity and quality improvement. | 语法 | I hope that the reasonable use of computers and multimedia can achieve a win-win situation for educational equity and quality improvement. |
🖋️ Polished Version¶
In the 21st century, with the rapid development of technology, some people think that computers can replace books in schools. I disagree with this viewpoint. Using computers instead of books in class is not feasible, but technology can still play an important role in teaching.
Everyone should be equal in education, whether rich or poor. If we use computers, the high economic cost will exclude many poor families. Books cost less money and are recyclable. A responsible government should not ignore disadvantaged groups. On the other hand, watching digital screens is related to teenagers’ declining eyesight. Overuse of computers also raises legal issues. We can easily convert books and notes, which brings a risk of piracy.
It is unreasonable to deny the positive effects of technology. Multimedia classes can create more interaction than traditional classes. Some operations that are difficult to describe can be demonstrated using visualization tools, making the learning process more engaging and efficient.
In conclusion, I reject a one-size-fits-all approach and advocate improving teaching by combining both technology and traditional methods. I hope that the reasonable use of computers and multimedia can achieve a win-win situation for educational equity and quality improvement.
📚 Next Steps¶
- Review academic spelling and collocations (e.g., replace 'technic' with 'technology').
- Practice article usage and plural forms.
- Expand range of cohesive devices to improve flow between ideas.
- Strengthen examples to support each argument.